Life Lessons For a Reason

I’ve had thoughts running through my mind all day. I honestly can’t believe how far I’ve come in the past few years. I’ve been through trials I never would have thought would be placed in my life. Although, I wouldn’t wish most of them on my worst enemy, I can’t imagine how I would have gotten to this point without them. 

When I think back to my first marriage I realize I was too young and immature to even know what marriage really is. I think I had an idea what I wanted, but lacking the life lessons and problem solving skills I have gained since then, I had no business saying those vows to anyone at the time. I had no idea how to share my life with someone else at the age of nineteen and only recently at the age of 25 have I realized this. 

My second marriage was a tremendous struggle. With all of the abuse and misguided thoughts and actions that came along with just trying to survive, I made a lot of bad decisons. This particular chapter in my life geared me up to fight for myself, realize I deserve better, and most importantly appreciate the people around me more. I learned to rely on God and recognize the signs he sends to show me where I should be.  

When I was near the end of the second marriage, I prayed to God for signs that I would recognize. I needed signs to show me if I should stay in the relationship or leave it. I had signs shown to me telling me I was right where I needed to be at that time and I found peace through the physical and mental abuse that God was still there working with me and he had a plan. All I had to do was sit and wait. 

Everything I went through was for a reason and lead me right where I am now. I am happier than I’ve ever been and I’m with a guy that treats me better than I’ve ever been treated, he trusts in God, and he works hard to make sure we have everything we need while still doing everything in his power to make sure I know I’m loved. For once I’m with someone that shows me all the love in the world and it’s not just him saying, “I love you.” His actions prove it’s true every single day. I never would have dreamed I would meet someone that would choose listening to me and comforting me when I need him over blowing me off and ignoring how I feel. I want to treat him like Gold. I want to do everything I can to keep him happy and be there for him when he needs me. He deserves every happiness in the world just like he has given me. 

Every little detail of my past lead me to the perfect guy for me. I truly believe God was there the entire way. He made sure I learned how to not be as selfish as I once was. God waited until I was ready to rely on him and stop seeking out who I thought I could be happy with. He let me go through tough trials and learn to appreciate the little things people do and the kindness they show. It was necessary for me to learn these things in order to have the happy life I now have. 

I use to wonder where God was and why he would let me get myself into the horrible situations I put myself in over the past 10 years. I now know that he let me be in those moments because I wasn’t following him I was only blaming him and as stubborn as I am, I had to learn everything the hard way. 

Life is so much better now and I gained a close friend who ultimately lead me to the man I really do want to spend the rest of my life with. The man I believe is worthy of me saying those vows once more in front of God and honoring every word of them. I am one lucky girl. I have had the privilege of knowing God is always by side and learning these life lessons early while some may fight against him and never learn them at all. I wouldn’t change a thing about the past, and I’m looking forward to a brighter future.  

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Chaos in a Relationship

What causes chaos in a relationship? No communication, lack of effort, staying out when you know you should be home, putting others (people or things) before your partner, cheating/flirting with others, making things more stressful than they have to be, not choosing your battles wisely, putting your partner down, not getting along with each others friends, and the dreaded ex not staying out of the picture entirely. Yes, there are more and I could keep going, but I’m sure you get the point. 

I’m going to focus on the last statement for now and possibly work my way up in future posts. 

Is there any logical reason an ex should stay in your life once you’re in a new relationship? I can’t think of one reason other than having kids involved. If there are no children between the two of you then why keep them around? Why even leave the door open for them to contact you? I’ve been guilty of this and honestly I believe it does nothing, but invite chaos into the new relationship. Are you wanting to rub your new found happiness in their face? Maybe, but why? If you are truly happy the best thing you can do is move on and stay happy, not gloat to them and risk causing trouble with your current partner. Do you feel like you need to keep up with how they are doing? Why do you care? You’re not in their life anymore. You have your own life to live and move forward. You can’t move forward by focusing on the past. 

Webster’s Dictionary definition of chaos; complete confusion and disorder : a state in which behavior and events are not controlled by anything

WHY WOULD YOU INVITE CHAOS INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP????

So, you don’t block an ex and they can chat, call, text, look at your social media etc… Don’t you think this may leave an inkling of doubt in your partners mind? Of course you both should have trust in each other, but for a split second they are going to wonder, “Why?” Maybe you are saying all positive things to your ex about your current relationship. Did you ever stop and think why this is any of their business or why it matters so much to you to tell them? Why do you feel the need to leave that door open just in case they ever want to talk? Shut the door! You can avoid any future arguments about what you may or may not have said to them. You can avoid any drama that is bound to eventually spawn from you sending or receiving pictures to or from them. There will be no doubt in your partners mind at all and you are giving them piece. Life and relationships are tough enough without you adding to them.

Your ex and you are obviously not together for a reason. Stop holding on to them. Let them go and live your life. They were a chapter in your life and most likely you learned some lessons along the way. That chapter is closed now, and if you insist on reading it over and over again, you will never fully enjoy the rest of what life has to offer. Take the lessons with you and leave the ex behind.

ex

It’s okay to miss someone

Lately, Charlee and I haven’t had quite as much time together as we use to. He’s working more and I’m trying to get out of the house more so that I don’t go crazy. This involves me making plans that may shave off even more of our time together. At first I thought it would be fine and not phase me too much. We can still talk on the phone some and see each other at least two days a week. This is all well and good, but I have started missing him…a lot. 

Having less time together has given me more time to myself to think and evaluate how I’m feeling about life at the moment. I’ve recently come to the the realization of just how lucky I am to have Charlee, no matter how much or how little time we have together. 

I almost feel selfish for missing him as much as I do. Military spouses have to go months or years without seeing their loved ones. Some have lost people they care about due to them passing away. Some couples are able to spend every free minute together, and yet all they do is fight. Some are breaking up or going through a divorce, while others are separated and hoping they can work things out. So, even when Charlee is physically beside me I know we aren’t fighting, he’s still in good health and I will see him soon, God willing. I don’t even have to wait a whole week to be near him again. 

Our relationship is going good and for that I am thankful. There’s no reason that missing him when he’s not around should be a negative feeling. Some couples have gotten to the point where they can’t stand the sight of each other. I would rather him be away and look forward to seeing him again rather than knowing we are going to argue as soon as he walks in the door. 

This really does give me a lot of hope for us in the future. Instead of moping around waiting until I can see him again, I just need to keep myself busy and remind myself that missing him is a good thing. I look forward to one day being able to have a job again myself. I don’t know what our schedules will be like in the future, but hopefully we will eventually be married and come home to each other every night. Until that day comes it is okay to miss each other. We have plenty of blessings in our lives and there’s no need to rush past the present to get to the future. Everything will be okay and I am now appreciating things exactly the way they are. 

 

Good things really do come to those who wait!

I can remember growing up and wondering what my life would be like when I finally got to be an adult. What would my house look like? What college would I go to? What career would I choose? How many kids would I have? What would I be interested in? Who would I marry and live happily ever after with? I never thought by the age of 25 I would be divorced twice, living with my parents, and happier than I’ve ever been despite the set backs and bad decisions I’ve made. 

I rushed my high school sweet heart into marriage and no surprise, we were too young to handle college, marriage, arguments, big decisions, and home life together. My second marriage was a guy I loved partying and hanging out with. He was mentally and physically abusive. I ignored the red flags surrounding him and again, no surprise, that marriage didn’t end well either.

My first husband passed away a few months ago, a week after he married the sweetest woman I’ve ever talked to. The last advice he gave me before he passed away was to leave my abusive relationship and trust in God to bring me someone that would love me like I deserved to be loved. He looked me in the eyes and made sure I understood him. He repeated, “WAIT FOR SOMEONE GOD BRINGS TO YOU! I KNOW YOU, AND I’M TELLING YOU NOT TO LOOK ON YOUR OWN. I was not looking when I found the woman I’m about to marry and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I want that for you to. It’s the best feeling in the world and I want you to have the same happiness I have found.”

This really got me thinking. I started praying more and got closer to God. I asked God to show me clear signs that I would recognize so I would know what he wanted me to do and he answered my prayers. I kept getting signs that I was exactly where I was suppose to be at the time. I accepted that I would have to stick out the painful relationship longer than I wanted to and I would trust God to help me change the situation I was in or lead me out of it and on to another path. 

About a week later God turned my world upside down. Things started falling into place and I was lead away from the abuse. I kept praying and reading my bible daily. One night I said a special prayer giving all of my problems to God and asking him again to keep leading me to where I needed to be. If I was suppose to stay single for years to get my life together then that’s what I was going to do. I honestly thought this is what he would want me to do. I would have to prove that I was serious and I would follow him. 

Apparently he had other plans in store for me. The next night I met Charlee and my first blog post describes how that night went. Ever since I met Charlee I have been on a natural high. Like I said, when I was younger I dreamed of my future including what my wedding would be like. With the first two marriages I had no want for a wedding. Saying vows in a court house sounded perfect to me. I didn’t realize until recently that I had settled twice and a big wedding wasn’t interesting to me because when I walk down the isle I want to be walking towards the man that I know I will spend the rest of my life with. I want to look at him and smile because he honestly makes me happy, motivates me, and I know he feels the same about me. A wedding to me means I know I’m with the right person and until now I have been kidding myself saying I was happy without one. I even went as far as to decline to be in my best friend’s wedding because 1. I felt like I was too heavy to look good in a dress. (Not true) and 2. I had grudge against weddings because I never felt like I would have one.

Charlee has managed to completely change my point of view on all of this.  I wasn’t looking for anyone when I met him. I was scared to death to get close to another guy and have another failed relationship. I would even get nauseous at the thought of getting married again. Charlee treats me better than any guy I’ve ever met. He is AMAZING! I not only have a boyfriend now, I have a best friend, someone I can trust (which I’ve never had with someone I was with), and I even started dreaming of a wedding, future, and a family again. He’s the guy I want to walk down the isle to. I know I would smile and I know I would not be worried about the future. I would be looking forward to it. I am already looking forward to the future with Charlee.  

Yes, I could tell someone they should wait for the “right guy” to come along and they should be patient, but that’s not what I would say. I would tell them to trust in God and let him lead you to where you need to be. It will happen in his time, not yours. I expected to wait much longer, but he didn’t make me. If I hadn’t of went through the first two marriages and all the hard times, I wouldn’t have been on the direct path to meeting Charlee. Everything I went through lead me right to him. Maybe God could have helped me end up with my perfect guy by leading me down an easier road, but I was stubborn and I wasn’t listening to him. I learned a lot of valuable lessons going down the path I traveled and I down regret it for a minute. It’s going to take a while to fix all of the mistakes I made in the past, but thanks to Charlee, I’m motivated to do better and fix them so that we can have a better future together. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I thank God for that 🙂

 

 

Learn to Laugh

  • I’ve always been the type of person that gets easily embarrassed. On the other hand, I believe I have slowly grown out of this as I’ve grown older. I now seem to be less embarrassed about things and appreciate the humor in a situation more. For example, I had a teacher in elementary school who would throw shoes and markers at students and make jokes to make us laugh when we got an answer wrong in class. I was terrible at math and this teacher would always call me out of it. She would make jokes and toss things at the students to be funny. This may sound out of line for a teacher, but my classmates generally laughed and found humor in this which is what she was trying to do. She was trying to make learning fun. I never found humor in this. I was getting bad grades in her class because I did not understand the subject. I did not want her drawing attention to my flaws in front of the entire class and I did not find this funny at all. Now that I am older I look back and realize if this was going on today, I would laugh it off with the other students, get some tutoring help to improve my math skills, and move on to the next class. To be fair the teacher would always tell us to let her know if we didn’t feel comfortable in any way in her class. I wanted to fit in and I did not want to let anyone know how embarrassed I was. I am now age twenty-five and humor along with laughter are my two favorite traits about myself and anyone else I associate with. 

So, you now know that I have been known to sweat the small things in the past, but let me give you an example of how things have changed. 

Last week I wanted to purchase some new eye liner. Charlee offered to go with me and help me find the brand I was looking for. We went into Walgreens and Charlee decided he was going to purchase a bright red clown nose. Of course I looked at him like he was crazy and of course he smiled at me  and made his purchase anyway. He then proceeds to put the nose on and I immediately tried to walk away. He grabbed my arm, pulled me to him, and asked me where I was going. I tried to back away from him and he decided to tell me he loves me very loudly while hugging me. By this time everyone around us was looking at us and the more I moved around trying to get away (while laughing) the louder he got to draw more attention to us. After this Charlee comes us with the idea to lead me to the checkout counter and get the cashier to take a picture of the two of us while he is still wearing the clown nose. At the time I thought this was all he had planned for this nose. Just a quick laugh and we would be done. WRONG. 

We get into his truck to leave the store and I notice Charlee is still wearing this nose. We pull up to a red light and he is just hoping someone pulls up next to us so he can show off his new toy. Some poor unsuspecting older lady stops next to us and I watched as Charlee waved like a crazy person and smiled at her until she looked over and saw him. The lady simply waved back at him and laughed along with him. Thank God the light turned green around this time. 

Grocery shopping was next on his list of things to do and I thought there is no way he will wear his red nose into a bigger store. WRONG AGAIN. We pulled into the parking lot of the store and he parked what seemed a mile away from the entry door just so he could park next to someone getting into their vehicle to show off his nose. I informed him that he could go get his groceries and I would wait for him in the truck. He stepped out of the truck and told the guy next to us that he wanted to go shopping with his girlfriend, but she refused to go into the store with him. This guy took one look at Charlee and began to laugh. His wife walked up and let me know not to worry about it, her husband would do something like that to her also and she feels my pain. HAHA. That made me laugh more than Charlee parading around in his ridiculous clown nose. 

We enter the grocery store and Charlee started speaking to everyone around (nose intact) and he also found humor in letting every stranger in sight know that I was his girlfriend. We continued walking around the store collecting his groceries for week. He even stopped to ask an employee where he could find the chips he was looking for and the poor guy could barley speak to him in the middle of laughing so hard. At one point I took Charlee’s nose away from him. I thought maybe that would solve the issue. Nope, he just stopped the first person he saw and asked them to please speak to me about why I was treating him so badly when all he wanted was his toy nose. I laughed and had to give it back to him. We continued shopping some more and one lady informed him that she had just purchased one of those clown noses for her four year old child. At this point I had been laughing so hard all afternoon to the point of my face hurting. I took his nose away from him once more and put it on myself. If you can’t beat him, join him right? He turned around and saw that I had the bright red nose on, hugged me, and said, “That’s my girl. I love you.” This warmed my heart. 

I gave Charlee his nose back and he wore it up to the checkout counter in the grocery store. We were placing his groceries on the counter and I noticed he was waving at a child behind me. I thought this was sweet of him until I heard someone call my name from behind me. Great, I was out of town, my boyfriend is wearing a clown nose, and somehow he had attracted the attention of someone I went to high school with in my home town. I spoke to her for a minute and then turned back around to continue in the line. We get to the cashier and he tries to make her laugh along with everyone else around us. She takes one look at him, then looks at me. She then told him, “She’s going to leave you.” I thought this was hilarious. Charlee kept making jokes and she spoke to him again. “No seriously, she’s going to leave you.” Well all started laughing except for Charlee who was giving me his sweet puppy dog eyes and asking me not to leave him. Before I could even respond to him he put his now back on, smiled, and said, “I know you’re not going to leave me.”

I love Charlee so much. He is about the only one in the world I would have let do anything near this embarrassing to me. It was honestly more humorous than it was embarrassing anyway. I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world. He can make me smile in any situation and he’s always there for me no matter what is going on. He loves making  people laugh and I love him for that and so much more.

WHAT I LEARNED

I have changed so much over the years. I’m learning to take the time to see my improvements and appreciate how far I have progressed. I would never want to go back to not being able to laugh or enjoy the moments when people are trying to lighten up a situation. Who new grocery shopping could be so fun? If I was the way I was even going through high school I would have never been able to enjoy the day I had with Charlee. Learning to laugh and enjoy myself more around others has got to be the best improvement I’ve ever made 🙂