A baby?

To start off, our 12 week old puppy, Gunner, that we love so much is going to a new home soon. This was a tough decision, but we felt like it was the best choice for our situation. With everything going on we need to save every penny we can and it wouldn’t be fair to put Gunner outside with little to no attention when he could be in a home with people who give him everything he needs and deserves.

On Sunday September 4, 2016 Charlee and I had the surprise of our lives. His mother had a dream that we had twins and wanted me to take a pregnancy test to ease her mind. Any one close enough to me knows that I gave up on that dream a long time ago. Honestly, I didn’t think I was able to conceive a baby at all. 

The night before I was to take the pregnancy test, I prayed to God to let it come out positive. I promised him I would give up smoking and that Charlee was the best man I could ever ask for. I prayed that if it was in God’s will and in his time then I was ready to be a mommy and Charlee without a doubt would be an amazing daddy to our kid(s).

The next morning, I took the pregnancy test and glanced at the results. Negative as usual. I then took it to our room so that I could show Charlee that we still had no hope of ever having a baby without medical intervention. When I got back to our room, he wasn’t in there and I sighed and looked at the test once more in disappointment. When I took the second look I was shocked by what I saw. I had been so sure this test would come out negative that I didn’t even notice there was an extra line on it meaning it was positive! Right then Charlee came into the room and I wiped the grin off of my face and handed him the test like I would if nothing was going on. I wanted to see the look on his face when he realized he was going to be a daddy for the first time.

Charlee looked down at the test for a min, slowly looked up at me and saw my smiling, then looked back down at the test. He asked me if this was real and I informed him I had no way to fake this and wouldn’t even if I could. He softly asked me, “So, does this mean I’m going to be a daddy?” I really believe this was the happiest moment of my life. Right then and there I loved him and looked at him as more than my future husband. He is now the father to my unborn baby and I know without a doubt he will always do everything possible to be a good father. This baby hit the jackpot with Charlee for a daddy!

I’ve been dizzy, nauseous, vomiting, tired, and have had a very little appetite in the past week. The health department believes I am 13 weeks pregnant, but with an irregular menstrual cycle, I wont know for sure until my first doctors appointment next week. Anything I have to go through for this bundle of joy that God placed in our lives is well worth it to me! This just reinforces my belief that God can do anything. First, he gave me Charlee and now he gave us a baby and family of our own. Everything is in his time and I wouldn’t want things any other way. ❤

Life Lessons For a Reason

I’ve had thoughts running through my mind all day. I honestly can’t believe how far I’ve come in the past few years. I’ve been through trials I never would have thought would be placed in my life. Although, I wouldn’t wish most of them on my worst enemy, I can’t imagine how I would have gotten to this point without them. 

When I think back to my first marriage I realize I was too young and immature to even know what marriage really is. I think I had an idea what I wanted, but lacking the life lessons and problem solving skills I have gained since then, I had no business saying those vows to anyone at the time. I had no idea how to share my life with someone else at the age of nineteen and only recently at the age of 25 have I realized this. 

My second marriage was a tremendous struggle. With all of the abuse and misguided thoughts and actions that came along with just trying to survive, I made a lot of bad decisons. This particular chapter in my life geared me up to fight for myself, realize I deserve better, and most importantly appreciate the people around me more. I learned to rely on God and recognize the signs he sends to show me where I should be.  

When I was near the end of the second marriage, I prayed to God for signs that I would recognize. I needed signs to show me if I should stay in the relationship or leave it. I had signs shown to me telling me I was right where I needed to be at that time and I found peace through the physical and mental abuse that God was still there working with me and he had a plan. All I had to do was sit and wait. 

Everything I went through was for a reason and lead me right where I am now. I am happier than I’ve ever been and I’m with a guy that treats me better than I’ve ever been treated, he trusts in God, and he works hard to make sure we have everything we need while still doing everything in his power to make sure I know I’m loved. For once I’m with someone that shows me all the love in the world and it’s not just him saying, “I love you.” His actions prove it’s true every single day. I never would have dreamed I would meet someone that would choose listening to me and comforting me when I need him over blowing me off and ignoring how I feel. I want to treat him like Gold. I want to do everything I can to keep him happy and be there for him when he needs me. He deserves every happiness in the world just like he has given me. 

Every little detail of my past lead me to the perfect guy for me. I truly believe God was there the entire way. He made sure I learned how to not be as selfish as I once was. God waited until I was ready to rely on him and stop seeking out who I thought I could be happy with. He let me go through tough trials and learn to appreciate the little things people do and the kindness they show. It was necessary for me to learn these things in order to have the happy life I now have. 

I use to wonder where God was and why he would let me get myself into the horrible situations I put myself in over the past 10 years. I now know that he let me be in those moments because I wasn’t following him I was only blaming him and as stubborn as I am, I had to learn everything the hard way. 

Life is so much better now and I gained a close friend who ultimately lead me to the man I really do want to spend the rest of my life with. The man I believe is worthy of me saying those vows once more in front of God and honoring every word of them. I am one lucky girl. I have had the privilege of knowing God is always by side and learning these life lessons early while some may fight against him and never learn them at all. I wouldn’t change a thing about the past, and I’m looking forward to a brighter future.  

Good things really do come to those who wait!

I can remember growing up and wondering what my life would be like when I finally got to be an adult. What would my house look like? What college would I go to? What career would I choose? How many kids would I have? What would I be interested in? Who would I marry and live happily ever after with? I never thought by the age of 25 I would be divorced twice, living with my parents, and happier than I’ve ever been despite the set backs and bad decisions I’ve made. 

I rushed my high school sweet heart into marriage and no surprise, we were too young to handle college, marriage, arguments, big decisions, and home life together. My second marriage was a guy I loved partying and hanging out with. He was mentally and physically abusive. I ignored the red flags surrounding him and again, no surprise, that marriage didn’t end well either.

My first husband passed away a few months ago, a week after he married the sweetest woman I’ve ever talked to. The last advice he gave me before he passed away was to leave my abusive relationship and trust in God to bring me someone that would love me like I deserved to be loved. He looked me in the eyes and made sure I understood him. He repeated, “WAIT FOR SOMEONE GOD BRINGS TO YOU! I KNOW YOU, AND I’M TELLING YOU NOT TO LOOK ON YOUR OWN. I was not looking when I found the woman I’m about to marry and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I want that for you to. It’s the best feeling in the world and I want you to have the same happiness I have found.”

This really got me thinking. I started praying more and got closer to God. I asked God to show me clear signs that I would recognize so I would know what he wanted me to do and he answered my prayers. I kept getting signs that I was exactly where I was suppose to be at the time. I accepted that I would have to stick out the painful relationship longer than I wanted to and I would trust God to help me change the situation I was in or lead me out of it and on to another path. 

About a week later God turned my world upside down. Things started falling into place and I was lead away from the abuse. I kept praying and reading my bible daily. One night I said a special prayer giving all of my problems to God and asking him again to keep leading me to where I needed to be. If I was suppose to stay single for years to get my life together then that’s what I was going to do. I honestly thought this is what he would want me to do. I would have to prove that I was serious and I would follow him. 

Apparently he had other plans in store for me. The next night I met Charlee and my first blog post describes how that night went. Ever since I met Charlee I have been on a natural high. Like I said, when I was younger I dreamed of my future including what my wedding would be like. With the first two marriages I had no want for a wedding. Saying vows in a court house sounded perfect to me. I didn’t realize until recently that I had settled twice and a big wedding wasn’t interesting to me because when I walk down the isle I want to be walking towards the man that I know I will spend the rest of my life with. I want to look at him and smile because he honestly makes me happy, motivates me, and I know he feels the same about me. A wedding to me means I know I’m with the right person and until now I have been kidding myself saying I was happy without one. I even went as far as to decline to be in my best friend’s wedding because 1. I felt like I was too heavy to look good in a dress. (Not true) and 2. I had grudge against weddings because I never felt like I would have one.

Charlee has managed to completely change my point of view on all of this.  I wasn’t looking for anyone when I met him. I was scared to death to get close to another guy and have another failed relationship. I would even get nauseous at the thought of getting married again. Charlee treats me better than any guy I’ve ever met. He is AMAZING! I not only have a boyfriend now, I have a best friend, someone I can trust (which I’ve never had with someone I was with), and I even started dreaming of a wedding, future, and a family again. He’s the guy I want to walk down the isle to. I know I would smile and I know I would not be worried about the future. I would be looking forward to it. I am already looking forward to the future with Charlee.  

Yes, I could tell someone they should wait for the “right guy” to come along and they should be patient, but that’s not what I would say. I would tell them to trust in God and let him lead you to where you need to be. It will happen in his time, not yours. I expected to wait much longer, but he didn’t make me. If I hadn’t of went through the first two marriages and all the hard times, I wouldn’t have been on the direct path to meeting Charlee. Everything I went through lead me right to him. Maybe God could have helped me end up with my perfect guy by leading me down an easier road, but I was stubborn and I wasn’t listening to him. I learned a lot of valuable lessons going down the path I traveled and I down regret it for a minute. It’s going to take a while to fix all of the mistakes I made in the past, but thanks to Charlee, I’m motivated to do better and fix them so that we can have a better future together. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I thank God for that 🙂