A baby?

To start off, our 12 week old puppy, Gunner, that we love so much is going to a new home soon. This was a tough decision, but we felt like it was the best choice for our situation. With everything going on we need to save every penny we can and it wouldn’t be fair to put Gunner outside with little to no attention when he could be in a home with people who give him everything he needs and deserves.

On Sunday September 4, 2016 Charlee and I had the surprise of our lives. His mother had a dream that we had twins and wanted me to take a pregnancy test to ease her mind. Any one close enough to me knows that I gave up on that dream a long time ago. Honestly, I didn’t think I was able to conceive a baby at all. 

The night before I was to take the pregnancy test, I prayed to God to let it come out positive. I promised him I would give up smoking and that Charlee was the best man I could ever ask for. I prayed that if it was in God’s will and in his time then I was ready to be a mommy and Charlee without a doubt would be an amazing daddy to our kid(s).

The next morning, I took the pregnancy test and glanced at the results. Negative as usual. I then took it to our room so that I could show Charlee that we still had no hope of ever having a baby without medical intervention. When I got back to our room, he wasn’t in there and I sighed and looked at the test once more in disappointment. When I took the second look I was shocked by what I saw. I had been so sure this test would come out negative that I didn’t even notice there was an extra line on it meaning it was positive! Right then Charlee came into the room and I wiped the grin off of my face and handed him the test like I would if nothing was going on. I wanted to see the look on his face when he realized he was going to be a daddy for the first time.

Charlee looked down at the test for a min, slowly looked up at me and saw my smiling, then looked back down at the test. He asked me if this was real and I informed him I had no way to fake this and wouldn’t even if I could. He softly asked me, “So, does this mean I’m going to be a daddy?” I really believe this was the happiest moment of my life. Right then and there I loved him and looked at him as more than my future husband. He is now the father to my unborn baby and I know without a doubt he will always do everything possible to be a good father. This baby hit the jackpot with Charlee for a daddy!

I’ve been dizzy, nauseous, vomiting, tired, and have had a very little appetite in the past week. The health department believes I am 13 weeks pregnant, but with an irregular menstrual cycle, I wont know for sure until my first doctors appointment next week. Anything I have to go through for this bundle of joy that God placed in our lives is well worth it to me! This just reinforces my belief that God can do anything. First, he gave me Charlee and now he gave us a baby and family of our own. Everything is in his time and I wouldn’t want things any other way. ❤

What’s new?

Apparently my Charlee Bear is a cook. Who would have thought? In the past week he has made Chinese chicken with crab salad on the side twice, chicken and shrimp tacos, and for my birthday next month he’s wanting to grill steaks and make a meal for us to enjoy together. His food is amazing! 

Gunner will be 11 weeks old tomorrow and growing so fast! He’s doing much better at riding in the truck with us and is more behaved when we take him places than he is at home. We also learned just how much he loves popcorn and he’s not a happy camper when we run out. Lol. We surprisingly found out that our Gunner loves playing in the water outside…yet hates baths. Go figure.

I’m learning to have people around me more often and it’s not that easy. I’ve always kept one or two close friends at a time and pretty much kept to myself for the most part. I would keep family at a distance and it was never anything personal, I just value my time alone and have always been that way. Since I’ve been with Charlee, I’ve been merged into his friends and family and I love them all. It’s just taking some getting use to having someone around almost all the time. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I still feel like I need my alone time once in a while. (Probably more often than you would think.) I can tell Charlee to go hang out with his friends if that’s what he feels like doing and honestly be fine with it. (Never been that secure in a relationship before this one.) I love hanging out with his friends and family. He has managed to surround himself with great people and I couldn’t ask for a sweeter extended family. I just feel like I’ve got a few things to work on within myself to keep from closing myself off for longer periods of time than I should. At this point I’m really missing my best friend who is overseas. I wish she could be here more. I love our long talks on the phone, but we have been close since we were 3 years old and I believe it would do me a lot of good to see her again. I know life happens and we will see each other again though. Just waiting for that day. Charlee is always here for me and goes above and beyond to keep a smile on my face. I’m looking forward to these two important people in my life to meet each other. That will be an incredible day 🙂

The future is looking bright for once in my life and I appreciate everyone in it. I can really see a lot of growth within myself in the past year and I’m so glad I have my friends and family around me to share these milestones with.

Life Lessons For a Reason

I’ve had thoughts running through my mind all day. I honestly can’t believe how far I’ve come in the past few years. I’ve been through trials I never would have thought would be placed in my life. Although, I wouldn’t wish most of them on my worst enemy, I can’t imagine how I would have gotten to this point without them. 

When I think back to my first marriage I realize I was too young and immature to even know what marriage really is. I think I had an idea what I wanted, but lacking the life lessons and problem solving skills I have gained since then, I had no business saying those vows to anyone at the time. I had no idea how to share my life with someone else at the age of nineteen and only recently at the age of 25 have I realized this. 

My second marriage was a tremendous struggle. With all of the abuse and misguided thoughts and actions that came along with just trying to survive, I made a lot of bad decisons. This particular chapter in my life geared me up to fight for myself, realize I deserve better, and most importantly appreciate the people around me more. I learned to rely on God and recognize the signs he sends to show me where I should be.  

When I was near the end of the second marriage, I prayed to God for signs that I would recognize. I needed signs to show me if I should stay in the relationship or leave it. I had signs shown to me telling me I was right where I needed to be at that time and I found peace through the physical and mental abuse that God was still there working with me and he had a plan. All I had to do was sit and wait. 

Everything I went through was for a reason and lead me right where I am now. I am happier than I’ve ever been and I’m with a guy that treats me better than I’ve ever been treated, he trusts in God, and he works hard to make sure we have everything we need while still doing everything in his power to make sure I know I’m loved. For once I’m with someone that shows me all the love in the world and it’s not just him saying, “I love you.” His actions prove it’s true every single day. I never would have dreamed I would meet someone that would choose listening to me and comforting me when I need him over blowing me off and ignoring how I feel. I want to treat him like Gold. I want to do everything I can to keep him happy and be there for him when he needs me. He deserves every happiness in the world just like he has given me. 

Every little detail of my past lead me to the perfect guy for me. I truly believe God was there the entire way. He made sure I learned how to not be as selfish as I once was. God waited until I was ready to rely on him and stop seeking out who I thought I could be happy with. He let me go through tough trials and learn to appreciate the little things people do and the kindness they show. It was necessary for me to learn these things in order to have the happy life I now have. 

I use to wonder where God was and why he would let me get myself into the horrible situations I put myself in over the past 10 years. I now know that he let me be in those moments because I wasn’t following him I was only blaming him and as stubborn as I am, I had to learn everything the hard way. 

Life is so much better now and I gained a close friend who ultimately lead me to the man I really do want to spend the rest of my life with. The man I believe is worthy of me saying those vows once more in front of God and honoring every word of them. I am one lucky girl. I have had the privilege of knowing God is always by side and learning these life lessons early while some may fight against him and never learn them at all. I wouldn’t change a thing about the past, and I’m looking forward to a brighter future.