I’ve had thoughts running through my mind all day. I honestly can’t believe how far I’ve come in the past few years. I’ve been through trials I never would have thought would be placed in my life. Although, I wouldn’t wish most of them on my worst enemy, I can’t imagine how I would have gotten to this point without them.
When I think back to my first marriage I realize I was too young and immature to even know what marriage really is. I think I had an idea what I wanted, but lacking the life lessons and problem solving skills I have gained since then, I had no business saying those vows to anyone at the time. I had no idea how to share my life with someone else at the age of nineteen and only recently at the age of 25 have I realized this.
My second marriage was a tremendous struggle. With all of the abuse and misguided thoughts and actions that came along with just trying to survive, I made a lot of bad decisons. This particular chapter in my life geared me up to fight for myself, realize I deserve better, and most importantly appreciate the people around me more. I learned to rely on God and recognize the signs he sends to show me where I should be.
When I was near the end of the second marriage, I prayed to God for signs that I would recognize. I needed signs to show me if I should stay in the relationship or leave it. I had signs shown to me telling me I was right where I needed to be at that time and I found peace through the physical and mental abuse that God was still there working with me and he had a plan. All I had to do was sit and wait.
Everything I went through was for a reason and lead me right where I am now. I am happier than I’ve ever been and I’m with a guy that treats me better than I’ve ever been treated, he trusts in God, and he works hard to make sure we have everything we need while still doing everything in his power to make sure I know I’m loved. For once I’m with someone that shows me all the love in the world and it’s not just him saying, “I love you.” His actions prove it’s true every single day. I never would have dreamed I would meet someone that would choose listening to me and comforting me when I need him over blowing me off and ignoring how I feel. I want to treat him like Gold. I want to do everything I can to keep him happy and be there for him when he needs me. He deserves every happiness in the world just like he has given me.
Every little detail of my past lead me to the perfect guy for me. I truly believe God was there the entire way. He made sure I learned how to not be as selfish as I once was. God waited until I was ready to rely on him and stop seeking out who I thought I could be happy with. He let me go through tough trials and learn to appreciate the little things people do and the kindness they show. It was necessary for me to learn these things in order to have the happy life I now have.
I use to wonder where God was and why he would let me get myself into the horrible situations I put myself in over the past 10 years. I now know that he let me be in those moments because I wasn’t following him I was only blaming him and as stubborn as I am, I had to learn everything the hard way.
Life is so much better now and I gained a close friend who ultimately lead me to the man I really do want to spend the rest of my life with. The man I believe is worthy of me saying those vows once more in front of God and honoring every word of them. I am one lucky girl. I have had the privilege of knowing God is always by side and learning these life lessons early while some may fight against him and never learn them at all. I wouldn’t change a thing about the past, and I’m looking forward to a brighter future.