I can remember growing up and wondering what my life would be like when I finally got to be an adult. What would my house look like? What college would I go to? What career would I choose? How many kids would I have? What would I be interested in? Who would I marry and live happily ever after with? I never thought by the age of 25 I would be divorced twice, living with my parents, and happier than I’ve ever been despite the set backs and bad decisions I’ve made.
I rushed my high school sweet heart into marriage and no surprise, we were too young to handle college, marriage, arguments, big decisions, and home life together. My second marriage was a guy I loved partying and hanging out with. He was mentally and physically abusive. I ignored the red flags surrounding him and again, no surprise, that marriage didn’t end well either.
My first husband passed away a few months ago, a week after he married the sweetest woman I’ve ever talked to. The last advice he gave me before he passed away was to leave my abusive relationship and trust in God to bring me someone that would love me like I deserved to be loved. He looked me in the eyes and made sure I understood him. He repeated, “WAIT FOR SOMEONE GOD BRINGS TO YOU! I KNOW YOU, AND I’M TELLING YOU NOT TO LOOK ON YOUR OWN. I was not looking when I found the woman I’m about to marry and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I want that for you to. It’s the best feeling in the world and I want you to have the same happiness I have found.”
This really got me thinking. I started praying more and got closer to God. I asked God to show me clear signs that I would recognize so I would know what he wanted me to do and he answered my prayers. I kept getting signs that I was exactly where I was suppose to be at the time. I accepted that I would have to stick out the painful relationship longer than I wanted to and I would trust God to help me change the situation I was in or lead me out of it and on to another path.
About a week later God turned my world upside down. Things started falling into place and I was lead away from the abuse. I kept praying and reading my bible daily. One night I said a special prayer giving all of my problems to God and asking him again to keep leading me to where I needed to be. If I was suppose to stay single for years to get my life together then that’s what I was going to do. I honestly thought this is what he would want me to do. I would have to prove that I was serious and I would follow him.
Apparently he had other plans in store for me. The next night I met Charlee and my first blog post describes how that night went. Ever since I met Charlee I have been on a natural high. Like I said, when I was younger I dreamed of my future including what my wedding would be like. With the first two marriages I had no want for a wedding. Saying vows in a court house sounded perfect to me. I didn’t realize until recently that I had settled twice and a big wedding wasn’t interesting to me because when I walk down the isle I want to be walking towards the man that I know I will spend the rest of my life with. I want to look at him and smile because he honestly makes me happy, motivates me, and I know he feels the same about me. A wedding to me means I know I’m with the right person and until now I have been kidding myself saying I was happy without one. I even went as far as to decline to be in my best friend’s wedding because 1. I felt like I was too heavy to look good in a dress. (Not true) and 2. I had grudge against weddings because I never felt like I would have one.
Charlee has managed to completely change my point of view on all of this. I wasn’t looking for anyone when I met him. I was scared to death to get close to another guy and have another failed relationship. I would even get nauseous at the thought of getting married again. Charlee treats me better than any guy I’ve ever met. He is AMAZING! I not only have a boyfriend now, I have a best friend, someone I can trust (which I’ve never had with someone I was with), and I even started dreaming of a wedding, future, and a family again. He’s the guy I want to walk down the isle to. I know I would smile and I know I would not be worried about the future. I would be looking forward to it. I am already looking forward to the future with Charlee.
Yes, I could tell someone they should wait for the “right guy” to come along and they should be patient, but that’s not what I would say. I would tell them to trust in God and let him lead you to where you need to be. It will happen in his time, not yours. I expected to wait much longer, but he didn’t make me. If I hadn’t of went through the first two marriages and all the hard times, I wouldn’t have been on the direct path to meeting Charlee. Everything I went through lead me right to him. Maybe God could have helped me end up with my perfect guy by leading me down an easier road, but I was stubborn and I wasn’t listening to him. I learned a lot of valuable lessons going down the path I traveled and I down regret it for a minute. It’s going to take a while to fix all of the mistakes I made in the past, but thanks to Charlee, I’m motivated to do better and fix them so that we can have a better future together. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I thank God for that 🙂